You're a teacher challenged with a difficult student. You've tried being nice and not so nice, going back and forth between these extremes. Now may be the time to try "tough love," an approach that works.
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Getting tough
Because you care, there is no compromising on an unsatisfactory result, whether it be in math or behavior.
- Be objective. Stop thinking about your personality differences. This is not a personal battle between you and the student. The student has yet to see the value of the subject matter or the correct solution to his or her behavior problem.
- Know why consequences are important. What rewards does the student get as a consequence of problem behavior? Attention? Avoidance of tasks? Self-confirmation? Even your anger can be a reward. Look for constructive ways for the student to receive healthy rewards, such as acknowledging his or her strengths.
- Be relevant. How would a change in behavior profit the student in areas in which he or she shows interest? Relate the problem to successes in sports, being popular, careers, hopes, or a hobby. Talk to and in the student's world.
- Remain firm. Let the solutions, not the discipline, be flexible.
- Stay focused. Stick to facts, not theories, conclusions, or judgments. Focus on specific behaviors and improvements that are measurable.
- Give choices, not ultimatums. Work with the student toward reasonable and mutually satisfying resolutions and consequences for meeting or not meeting agreements.
- Expect and believe in success. Hold high expectations and provide the necessary scaffolding for the student to rise to those behavioral and academic objectives. Build on and compliment both yourself and the student for approximations in the desired direction.
Remember: You're the teacher. You're tough enough to care. Neither you, the student, nor the problem are hopeless until you give up.
Exploring the Nature of Conflict – Grade Levels: 6-8, Health, Classroom Management
